“Oh, alone, I’m alone, I’m alone, I’m alone … / And I never, never … oh … had no one ever”, swoons Morrissey, narrating his feelings as a 20-year-old Mancunian on edge when walking the streets of his own hometown. Poetic proof that mid-eighties’ youth angst existed in much the same entity as today’s.
For lack of a suitable term, ‘social prosperity’ refers to a person’s calibre for creating and maintaining solid relationships. The coming-of-age period is perhaps the most critical time in anyone’s life, when big decisions determine destinies. Social media, cultural pressures and differences in upbringing are some of the factors at play in dictating a person’s social prosperity. These pressures can take their toll, affecting a person’s ability to integrate.
In dissecting such a complex dilemma, it is essential to define loneliness. By contrast to the arbitrary feeling of just ‘being lonely’, something which everyone experiences in small daily doses like tides of patchy fog; loneliness, a psychological condition, is like an endless storm of dejection.
Feeling lonely is a temporary state of mind, coming and going in periodic stints. Not to undermine the similarly depressive effects being on your tod can cause, but the premise of poor social prosperity strictly concerns the substantially sorrowful state of mind attributed to loneliness.
It hits very differently. “Sometimes it’s so overwhelming, I have to drive to the nearest beach, which is half an hour away from my house. It’s really ridiculous. The journey to the beach and the walk is my haven. If I don’t go and stay within my four walls, I know from past experiences I’ll spiral out of control, break things and harm myself.” Those are the words of one respondent of a questionnaire I conducted through social media, which is unpacked below over a funky graphic.
Forming over a good chunk of time, usually in tandem with a handful of mental health problems, symptoms include feelings of social exclusion, low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. In general, we subconsciously associate loneliness with certain social groups. Introverts, the elderly, those with physical and mental impairments are typically more likely to suffer, but loneliness is by no means confined in this way.
Widespread adolescent loneliness certainly predates the Covid era. In 2019, a YouGov report found that young people feel more lonely than older generations. Of the 2,000+ adults in the UK surveyed, 31 per cent of 18 to 24-year-olds said they felt lonely often or all the time, compared to 17 per cent of over 55s.
With that in mind however, the issue has no doubt been exasperated by the pandemic.
In order to gauge how loneliness has recently affected some young people in more depth, I conducted a questionnaire.
Posing an initial question, ‘do you suffer from loneliness?’, to an Instagram story, over 60 people were surveyed. In the interest of transparency, the sample was reduced to 48 people; consisting of close and distant friends, loose acquaintances and followers I’d never met. Respondents were followed up with eight questions, as laid out below.
As a result, respondents demonstrated how using one brush to paint all sufferers of loneliness is redundant, for it’s multi-faceted and affects people in a number of different ways.
It’s not all doom and gloom.
On the flip side, loneliness can prove beneficial in some cases. It’s always possible to be surrounded by too many people. If, like Natalie and Michael, someone has a load of heads on hand to turn to, they may find only a handful are bona fide friends who’re genuinely prepared to offer support.
Bethany illustrates how she plays her reverse card on loneliness. “I also find that my loneliness and the anxiety that comes with interacting with others means that I tend to do things by myself that others would do with friends or family. For example, I would take myself out to the seaside and have lunch, but wouldn’t invite someone else because that loneliness to me now feels ordinary and I like being able to control my activities and time.”
Thereby, using loneliness as a means of social detox can be profoundly proactive. Although, it remains essential to maintain a healthy balance between time spent alone and socialising; prioritising tasks and ensuring to reconnect with people after isolating.
Changes in interaction
When was the last time, if ever at all, you made a tube journey without unlocking your phone or being isolated by headphones? Prior to this writing, I’d never done so. Like most, I much prefer the sound of my own music taste over the howling screeches of locomotive heavy metal echoing around the underground.
But one day, I had a natter with other passengers. Between Brixton and Paddington, I’d made fifteen-or-so new acquaintances. The patter was flowing and I had some sentimental exchanges, while those who aired my greeting (there were plenty) shrugged and shook their heads.
London is of course colloquially famed for its ratty or reserved residents. Yuppies barge around as if they’re on a literal high horse, or some commuters are so intent on ignoring everybody else, they seem utterly lifeless inside. So, this is not wholly representative of British society – the rest of the UK, the Welsh especially, are favourably pragmatic and polite people. Still, you’d think one of the world’s most culturally-diverse places would be a tad more embracive.
Why did I feel as if I’d just devised a strange social experiment? All I did was greet people and ask how their day had been. Most were taken aback when spoken to, and herein lies the fundamental problem.
Humanity’s reliance on technology for communication is now second nature. Not that the internet is solely to blame, but its inception of the information age and subsequent impact is too profound to be overlooked. Now, A-Level B grades aside, I am by no means a sociologist. So, the basis of this argument rests solely on my personal experience growing up as a ‘mature Gen Z/young Millennial’ and recognising subtle but substantial changes in communication.
The gradual divergence in societal norms from traditional, organic dialogue to 21st-century touch-typing has abundantly altered how we communicate. The digitally native generations naturally have less practice in talking, thanks to the ease of access to communication modern technology provides.
Perhaps the notion that ‘people are less friendly than before the smartphone days because they’re too engrossed in their online realm’ holds some truth, but it would be a sweeping statement, to say the least.
To conclude with a dose of optimism then, battling loneliness can be a display of defiance. Whether new to the game or a seasoned loner, do not sit in silence and do nothing. FaceTime someone, breathe fresh air, turn some pages, spin a record, write stuff down and get stuff done! Loneliness is sure to be spreading to more people of all ages by the day during the remaining months of desolation, like another new strain. Never before has it been so important to take advantage of these digital days by using the black mirrors for keeping up with people who matter, completing tasks and, ultimately, enhancing your profile in the real world. Make sure that the user in our rocky relationship with technology is always you.
Featured image by Engin Akyurt via Pixabay
Original article photographs by Rajiv Arjan
*This article was first published in February 2021*